REVIEW: False Figure – A Promised End (2019)

While listening to False Figure, ‘a promised end’ to this mundane EP was quite reassuring.

I’m fairly certain I’ve heard this record before. Actually many times before. There is nothing distinguishing this album from the many others that are nearly identical to it, many also released under the flags of two-word alliterated band names. All parts of this album are interchangeable with the parts of other songs on the album.

False Figure’s look and sound scream a Gene Belcher “this is ME now” level of vapid personality. Actually, the band name does seem quite fitting now that I think of it. Death rock is the new gentrified neighborhood. Disneyfied ad nauseam, bands bring to their work the ingenuity and artistic truth of an NBC sitcom. Detached from its subcultural roots while continuing to profit off of it, the faux-goth wave of recent years wears the sardonic mask necessary to keep selling children black leather tchotchkes.

The prophecy foretold, pop hath eaten itself.

For fans of: Secret Shame

Like False Figure? maybe try one of these instead: Geisha Girls, Rule of Thirds, Killed By Deathrock Vol.1

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